perfect peace. April 16, 2012

 The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. (1 John 2:17).

This passage always brings me peace in my spirit. To live in the will of God – while not always perfectly clear, is to know peace, no matter what the circumstances.

Several years ago, I experienced a profound shift in my very philosophy of life. This occurred during my time in training to become a yoga instructor. I chose a small school in Mexico, on the Baja peninsula near Todos Santos. The school is called Yandara, for those of you who may be seeking a similar experience~

The ‘school’ is located about 500 yards inland from a pristine expanse of beach. The accommodations consist of a tent with small bed, nightstand and lamp – the bathroom and showers are open air. The compound itself is comprised of several primitive style thatched roof structures and open air shelters. The surrounding topography is mostly desert and hilly with arid mountain ranges in the distance. Not the sort of place that a prima donna might find herself – at least not willingly.

While I’m certainly no prima donna, prior to my Yandara experience, camping was at the very bottom of my list of enjoyable activities. In fact, I have always detested camping – due to a few less than positive experiences early in my life.  However, Yandara was a good choice for my graduate student budget, so I decided to take the risk – the fact that my tent had a bed made it a bit more palatable and actually cinched the deal for me.

Anyway, back to my shift…

On one of my last days at Yandara, I asked the director if I could be excused from one afternoon’s classes to sit alone on the beach. Because the training was condensed, the days were quite full – beginning with an early morning beach meditation and ending late, around 10pm. This left only minimal time for self-reflection and quiet time – which is how I recharge and restore.

I was granted permission. As I sat on the beach that day, I was mesmerized, and I was changed – In watching and listening to the beauty unfold around me – everything from observing various sea creatures leap in the water to feeling the freedom of the soaring birds dancing in the breeze…behind me on land, I watched the docile goats and cows aimlessly wandering and chewing – the gentle ringing of the  cowbells singing against the roaring backdrop of the crashing waves.

As I watched and pondered, I began drawing in the sand – almost without thought – words appeared, dream, feel, imagine, freedom, spirit, discover, dance, soar, breathe…live. It was in this moment that something shifted for me. I realized that I was not really living the life that I felt was God’s will for me.

It was in this moment that I made  a decision.

I decided that I was going to change my life and to begin to live in a way that had meaning for me, rather than to continue to live a life that was dictated to me by circumstances and/or defined by my culture and others.

I’m tearing up as I remember this moment – my heart was forever changed.

Powerful.

3 1/2 years later, my life is indeed very different and the journey continues…

You?

Transcending Barriers. April 11, 2012

This simple phrase could be my epitaph. My life purpose, my work and my passion are beautifully expressed in, Transcending Barriers. And, after several years, the name I chose for my company,   Transcendent Women, still fits perfectly.

Over time, I’ve come to realize that many of my barriers are simply in my mind and not objective reality. While death may be the ultimate barrier, for those of us who believe, death is in fact simply a transition to another, more glorious life in the brilliant, luminous presence of our Creator – the author and perfecter of eternal love.

If even the very barrier of death can be transcended – what could possibly truly hinder us in this life?

Only our beliefs in our limitations have the power to alter our destiny.

I am not speaking merely of the oft quoted advice to ‘think positive’ – I’m referring to something far greater than wishful thinking. We all know that wishful thinking based on abstract desires is not powerful at all in the absence of legitimate, intentional goal-focused action.

In contrast, to have a clear understanding of our life purpose and direction – one that is grounded in self-awareness and truth about our God-given gifts, talents, abilities and our unique ‘calling’ is the foundation from which our life design and subsequent, right choices emerge. From this foundation, we can step clearly and brilliantly into our future, without fear.

As we walk in alignment, with intentional action in line with our core values, there are no limitations and no real barriers. From this vantage point, any imagined or real barriers become an opportunity to reflect and to possibly realign ourselves with our true North…Barriers can prompt the right question, what is it that this person or experience is here to teach me in this moment?

This tiny shift in perspective makes all of the difference. A sense of wonder, curiosity and discovery pave the way for gratitude in the face of perceived barriers.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). 

Mojo’s back. April 7, 2012

After 8 months of self-induced hibernation and licking my wounds in this divorce process, I’m finally beginning to feel like me again – a stronger, confident, freer, new improved version of me.

Ahhhh, the reward of suffering…still fragile in some ways, yet wiser with a far clearer vision of who I am and what I’m looking for in this life in Chapter 2. 

Court date – April 16 – a short 9 days away.

Mojo. So I looked it up – according to the Urban Dictionary, Self-confidence, Self-assuredness. As in basis for belief in ones self in a situation. 

Perfect.

Got me thinking, how and why did my pain and suffering increase my self-confidence? Here’s what I came up with:

• My ability to be raw, fragile and vulnerable helped me to get to the deepest layers in need of healing – for those of you who may not be familiar with my whole story – my deepest wounds resulted from childhood molestation/trauma and subsequent interpersonal adult trauma.
• I surrendered all of my pain to the Ultimate Healer – in return, God brought several key people into my life at exactly the right moment to help me heal – most of these key people have been kind, compassionate, sensitive men – who really know me (the real me), love me and accept me for exactly who I am – inside. In these relationships, I am learning to trust and to feel safe again.
• In my pain, I realized what’s been missing in my closest relationships – true intimacy. I have learned what true intimacy looks like, what it feels like, and I have begun to experience it. Never again will I settle for less in my core relationships.
• I will choose who I spend time with rather than allowing others to choose me.
• I have learned to embrace all parts of myself – without judgment – this of course is a process, but one that I am experiencing more and more frequently. Rather than condemnation, I offer myself unconditional acceptance, compassion and love. I learned this from my God who loves me and you, without limit – just as we are.
• I like hanging with me. I don’t need space, time or emotional fillers. God is my source. No one can ever or should ever become a substitute for my true source.
• I have learned that when everything in my life falls apart –  God is my constant – my security and my hope. This is my confidence.

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Isaiah 60: 1-3. 

The real me, the real you – Intimacy. April 2, 2012

Thinking about a lot of things tonight. My life fades into the shadows as I learn of 2 close relatives diagnosed with cancer in the past several days. News like this has a tendency to bring into focus all that is meaningful, the peripheral stuff falls to the side. Makes you sit up and take notice. What is life about, really?

I’ll tell you what’s it’s about – pain and suffering have a way of making what matters really clear -

Who is with you when bad things happen?

Trust me, none of us are immune to suffering – as my friend Marissa so eloquently put it several weeks ago in response to a post. Sooner or later, we are all dealt the hand of suffering. Suffering brings all of life into perspective.

So, who’s in your corner when the s**t hits the fan? If no one immediately comes to mind, you need to re-evaluate where your priorities are placed. Because in the end, it’s all about relationship. If you don’t have someone who will fight for you, defend you, and stand by you when trouble hits – you’re hanging with the wrong someone.

I don’t care how sexy he or she is. Lose them.

Let me tell you what I’ve figured out recently…Intimacy is where it’s at.

Into me see – get it? Intimacy.

What does this fuzzy, esoteric word really mean?

It means that with you, I can be completely me. The good, the bad, the ugly, the silly, the crazy, the half-baked…because if you get me, you get me. You know the real me. You know me because I trust you enough to let the me in me show through – no masks, no drama, no glam cover. I can cry my eyes out and scream and rant and fall apart – and you are there. Because I’m there for you too. I am not afraid of your pain or your realness.

Good Lord, is it really this simple?

I believe that it is.

Trust. Safety. Vulnerability. Intimacy.

It’s what real living is all about.

Live it. Heart wide open. Full throttle.

The power of beauty. April 1, 2012

One of the most compelling reasons I moved to Miami was the inspiration I find in the beauty here – year round.

How often do we pass by without really seeing the hand of God in our midst?

The details of a loving, Creator’s touch – in the tiniest leaf, the mighty rush of a waterfall, the song of a sparrow, the kiss of the wind?

Beauty.

Don’t miss another moment. 

Be still.

Breathing in…breathing out…

Drink in the beauty.

Let it fill your entire being with Divine love.

Let it wash over you, surround you.

Life is all about the moments.

Be still.

Be present.

Be you. 

I lift up my eyes to the hills -where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121

Photos by Karen Dunn taken with the Canon, 40D, 50mm 1.2 L series lens at http://www.fairchildgarden.org/

Strong women. Strong men. Strong world. March 30, 2012

I awoke at 4 am. Couldn’t stop thinking about the film I saw last night and the conversation after.

Violette Sproul, the woman next to me in this photo and chief Femfessional, turns 40 later this month. In typical philanthropic style, Violette’s ‘celebration party’ was a benefit for Strong Women, Strong Girls. 

About 50 of us gathered to watch a private viewing of the documentary, MissRepresentation, http://www.missrepresentation.org/, a Sundance film that explores how the media’s misrepresentations of women have led to the underrepresentation of women in positions of power and influence.

This film will change the way you view the influence of media on our culture. You need to see it. Whether you agree or not with all of the assertions made, you will likely chew on the commentaries for a good, long while – I know I am.

After the film, a group of 20-30 of us remained to process our thoughts and feelings in a panel discussion with 5 of Miami’s prominent female powerhouses. Blew me away.

Have you ever had the feeling that you were absolutely destined to be in a particular place and time for a purpose FAR greater than your little self?

Surreal.

Here are a few of my takeaways from one of the most life-altering experiences I have ever had:

• We are spiritual beings sharing a human experience – more than simply, just man or woman. This distinction is crucial in how we teach our children, live our days, and commit to creating lives that are worth living. We are a Transcendent reality – A creation of God – live in this truth.
• Be diligent in your quest to build others up rather than destroying/degrading with your thoughts (yes, our thoughts are powerful – it’s all energy), words, and/or actions. Small things do matter.
• Endeavor to flourish – your mind, your body, your spirit and your relationships. When you flourish, you empower others.
• Live your passion – no more excuses. Time is short.
• Make conscious, intentional decisions about where and how you spend your money – advertisers and the media are watching.
• Protect your children – what they see and hear does matter and you do have control. Use it.
• Build your daughters up in what they do and how they do it – not how they look – Be an example.
• Encourage sisterhood – support, defend and vote for strong women.
• Teach your sons that it’s not a weakness to cry, help them to become open to the experience of all emotions - not only anger, to feel the pain of others, to recognize social injustice and to act on behalf of those who are marginalized. Expose them to strong women – Be one.
• Teach your sons that strong men love, encourage, defend and vote for strong women.
• Encourage your daughters to choose professions in media, business, science/math and politics – teach them that their voice is important to creating a culture of equanimity. 
• Teach your sons and daughters to take personal responsibility for their actions – model this behavior.
• Embrace your femininity and your power – these are not mutually exclusive concepts.

Watch this film with your family and then talk about it, missrepresentation.org/

http://youtu.be/6gkIiV6konY

What’s your bliss? March 27, 2012

Even without distinct seasons, Florida is a magical place in the Spring. This past weekend, I made the 2 hour trek across Alligator Alley, to visit a new friend who lives on Marco Island.

Traveling through the Everglades and in and around the 10,000 islands by boat is an experience that will forever change the way you think of Florida. This is a well-kept secret…I always say that Florida gets a ‘bad rap’ – which is fine by me, I’m happy to have this beauty all to myself…so, please don’t visit:)

The photos you see were taken by moi, using the Canon 50mm, 1.2 L series lens, shot on my 40D, at one of my friend’s favorite spots – he’s a fisherman who has been living in and around Marco, or The Rock, as it is known by locals, for the past 34 years. His daily life is spent barefoot, taking Northerners on private charters around the islands to hook Tarpon, Snook, Redfish, Snapper and not so lucky anglers, like myself, Catfish.

Carlos is acutely aware that his life on the water is one that many men and women dream of and he lives every moment in a spirit of gratitude for this gift – as I write this, now back home in Miami, I just received a video from him of manatees dancing near his boat this morning. I’ll try to add it here – shoot, I can’t,  I need to upgrade to add video, oh well. 

Life is good  - no, actually, life is great – I am blessed to have found my life and my bliss in one of the most beautiful places in the world. My dream has become my reality…

So, what is the dream in your heart?

How might you make it happen? No excuses. My passion is in helping you to rediscover the dream in your heart and to live it. To be clear about what you really want in life, to remove the obstacles you have put in your way and achieve it. All is within reach when you set the intention and take your leap of faith to create your dream life.

Stay tuned…plans are underway for a life-changing retreat – In the next couple of months, I’ll be taking a core group of visionary women (and men), along with Michelle Alva to Costa Rica for several days of restoration, inspiration and spiritual awakening – during our time together, you’ll get clear and you’ll take home your customized action plan to launch the life of your dreams~

To book your private charter with Carlos, go to http://www.gonefishincharters.com/

Dawn. Chapter 2. March 20, 2012

Breathing in…breathing out…

When you have a sense of your own identity and a vision of where you want to go in your life, you then have the basis for reaching out to the world and going after your dreams for a better life – Stedman Graham

Today marks the beginning of a new chapter in my life – A chapter that I have in a sense created. This morning, I signed and submitted my final divorce papers to the court – A bittersweet new beginning.

So many changes.

And with the dawn of change, there is hope. Hope for a future that is aligned with my core values, my dreams, and my vision – for more.

More life.

More love. More peace. More joy. More faith. More trust. More openness, compassion, patience, humor, curiosity, kindness, softness…

This morning during my devotional reading, my eyes fell onto a little unknown scripture in Isaiah, He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back, 50:4-5.

Contemplating on these words I realize just how very blessed I am. My God speaks to me – He knows my heart – and he gently instructs me – always guiding, always directing – I need only to listen. In order to listen, I must learn to silence the noise in and around me – to become still.

Surrendering to the silence of the dawn -

breathing in, breathing out…

He is good; his love endures forever – 2 Chronicles 5:13

Grown up. March 13, 2012

Last night I told my mom that I feel like this divorce has made me a grown up. It’s true. Not just in the sense that I am living on my own for the first time in…forever. Yes, this is the first time I have ever lived alone. I’ve always had roommates or a husband, or had children living at home, until I moved into my beautiful condo in Miami, last August. Remember how that all happened?? see my blog post about it, last July, http://wp.me/pV36Z-u6 .

More importantly, I feel like a grown up in my emotions, my faith, and in my mind. Seriously. I feel grown up. How odd at 49 years old. But maybe not so odd…

On Sunday, one of my friends at church, who happens to be a psychoanalyst, asked me, so why do you think you are so happy now, Karen? Why do you think this happened so quickly for you? (referring to the relatively short time that I have been healing in this divorce process).

I thought for a moment and then responded that I believe it’s because I surrendered myself and my pain to God – completely.

What do I mean by this? Well, instead of running into another relationship on the rebound, or drinking myself into numbness, or using some other unhealthy way of “escape” or avoidance, I allowed myself to be completely present  to experience the absolute rawness and pain of my feelings of rejection, aloneness, fear, and failure.

I told my friend that it was as if I subjected myself to the worst surgery of my life, without anesthetic. The Surgeon’s blade went in swift and deep, made a clean-cut and removed the proverbial crap. Crap being all of the things I trusted in apart from God.

To heighten my experience, all of my other securities were removed in the process – within a couple of weeks of moving here, my car died, when I fixed it several weeks later, it ran for another month and died again. So virtually, I’ve been without a car for the past 7 months…Also, within several weeks of moving to Miami,  my Amex cc number was stolen, with the result that Amex shut down my account (for my protection), so I was stranded with no way to pay for anything for several days until I received my new card via snail mail. The last check I was expecting from my previous employer never came –  end of account deductions rendered my last check, pitiful – unexpected. In September, I received a scary call from my Dad to tell me that he had taken my mother to the ER for chest pains and tightening – they were unsure until testing revealed that her heart was strong and uncompromised. During this time, all of my employment seeking efforts have been non-fruitful. In November, I sold my last professional camera lens to pay the rent – losing my most viable cash flow avenue – see blog post,http://wp.me/pV36Z-Jb . On top of all of this, I suffered injuries in both wrists that sent me to physical therapy and off of the yoga mat for several months – still haven’t been able to practice. At the beginning of January, I had no money to pay rent – ready to move out when a family member called me out of the blue and insisted on putting money in my account – without my asking for help. Also in January, I began experiencing peri-menopause symptoms. Just a few short days after celebrating with my family at my parent’s 50th anniversary party in late January, my father suffered a minor stroke. And then, most recently while trying to cram in all of my medical appointments before my health coverage ends, I had a breast cancer scare. This involved 2 weeks of not knowing while I waited (from the time of my initial mammogram to biopsy results) to learn that the irregular shaped mass was in fact, benign.

It was at this point that I hit bottom emotionally, absolute rock bottom.

I wanted to die. I prayed for it.

Yet still, I trusted.

…and then the resurrection – Finally, slowly, things began to turn around for me and my children several weeks ago. The turnaround has been amazing – too many things to list, I stand in awe.

I can honestly state that during the last 7 months of testing, I’ve become a grown up.

I have learned that in the midst of the storm, He is there – healing, guiding, directing, and orchestrating – in His timing, in His way, not mine. When everyone and everything I trusted was gone, God met my needs through acts of kindness shown to me by old friends, new friends, and my incredibly supportive parents and other family members. Thank you to all who have been a part of my journey to wholeness. I am so very grateful.

Through it all, I have learned that I can trust my God. Completely. No matter what life brings – I am more than a conqueror in Him, Romans 8:37. 

And so are you.

For I am convinced that neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord, v. 38-39. 

Knowing what’s important to you – Transcend the unexpected. March 10, 2012

…Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful – Mark 4:19

Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a life crisis, like a divorce, to make us stop and reevaluate what makes our life worth living.

I don’t know about you but I’ve been side-tracked more than a few times over the years by meaningless distractions, efforts, and yes, even people, that never would have been a distraction for me if I were living true to my course.

This is a major reason why I believe that vision boards are a tremendously helpful tool to help us stay ‘on track’. By ‘on track’, I mean to say that creating a meaningful life of purpose necessitates that we make choices with a clear understanding of our life goals and purpose so that we can easily discern the ‘weeds’ from the ‘fruit’.

In creating a vision board (for details on how to create your vision board, see http://wp.me/pV36Z-wk), we are creating a kind of visual blueprint for our lives to help us to stay true to our hearts’ desires and our true self – A road map to guide our way that helps us to avoid the pitfalls and trappings of a distracted, unfocused, cluttered mind. A vision board, or similar strategy can also help us get back ‘on track’ when we lose our way due to our poor choices, whether intentional or non-intentional and unexpected devastation.

I believe that it is important to re-visit this topic frequently – we have all been on the receiving end of unexpected events and situations that cause us to return to our core values and life purpose. When the unexpected happens, we can derive much strength and inner peace in returning to our overall life vision to be sure that we stay true to our convictions.

This idea hit home for me last night – I was in conversation with a woman who I have known over 25 years. As I listened to her share her painful experience with unexpected devastation I was reminded of how very important our core values are to our sense of self.

- 3 years ago, Jane (not her real name) discovered that her husband of over 20 years, was having an affair. While this is not uncommon, sadly, the story gets even more devastating when you learn that Jane and her husband have 7, yes SEVEN children together and had recently adopted a child when she inadvertently discovered his infidelity.

Jane was a devoted wife and mother, her husband was one of the best guys I knew – from all appearances – no one expected this of him, least of all Jane. To make things worse, Jane’s husband eventually left her for the other woman, after toying with her and the children’s fragile emotions by coming and going, in and out of their lives for over a year, before finally leaving permanently.

Needless to say, 3 years later, Jane is still working through this unexpected devastation and doing the best she can to pick up the pieces of her life and the lives of her children to move on.

In listening to Jane’s story, I re-visited my list of what is most important in my life – what holds true for me when everything around me falls apart – what matters to me and how do I design my life through intentional choices to align with my core values?

Here’s my list – Just 3 things.

1. Beauty – to surround myself with beauty – in my home and natural environment.
2. Mutually fulfilling, healthy, loving, relationships with my children, significant other and close friends – for me, these relationships are characterized by acceptance, respect, trust, honesty, quality time, compassion, and non-judgment in accordance with my faith.
3. To create – My passion and life’s purpose revolves around serving and inspiring others toward healing and joy through my work, my writing and my art.

Nothing else really matters to me. Knowing my core values is my guide for living. When I become distracted or when my life is disrupted due to someone else’s actions, I can return to my core values, course correct, and find my way once more – assuming that I understand and can clearly articulate what is most meaningful to me.

From this place of self-awareness, we can eventually work through our pain to re-establish a life that is meaningful and true to our deepest selves and transcend the unexpected.